Hi, people welcome to this place to find a solution to the problems we all deal with. Before starting I am no spiritual guru or something. I am just a messed up person looking for the answers to some of the questions. And I want to share just everything I ‘ve learned on the way. So its time to face the ugly truth about urges and also learn to stop them.
We have all dealt with those strong urges to run back to the things that we know are bad but still, we cannot help it. For some it might be the urge to pick your phone every now and then, talking to a toxic person, eating that cake that you promised yourself not to eat or it could be anything cause there isn’t really an end to the things we do that we don’t wanna do. I wanted to get over these feelings because hell these are real road blockers in your path to success. First of all, I want to make something clear about desires and urges.
Desires are there to stay.
Sorry guys but this is the ugly truth. This one thing blew my mind. Think of it like this if you take an oath to curb all your desires, then guess what you will be left with? A desire to curb all the desires. Yeah, that is funny but true.
You cannot get over it by wanting to get over it.
No no, don’t read that again you just read it right. Give it up for another ugly truth guys. Sounds insane doesn’t it, well you know why? Cause it is. Let me explain this. Now for a second don’t think about an ice cream. What was the first thing that popped into your mind? Ice cream, right? It is because for some reason our mind does not take orders to “not” do /be/want something. You think of not wanting something you end up wanting that even more.
for most of us, our mind is always filled with different thoughts. the tempting images of all wrong things keep rolling it our mind. Indeed it is difficult to control it but here are the ways that worked for me and many others in order to stop our urges.
See many times we move in this strange autopilot mode where we are not aware of the things that we are doing. For example, the people who take cigarettes many of them are not even aware that they are having an urge to do so. It is just something they do taking one after breakfast one before lunch and so on.
Firstly realize that you are having an urge to do so. I f you want you can keep a journal for this purpose as it is better if you record them.
2. Acceptance and awareness
Accept that you are having these urges. It is okay to have one everyone does! Just the next time you get the urge, instead of thinking “oh!! I want this thing. ” think “I am noticing that I want this thing but I know it is just an urge” and then take a breath and get back to your work. This technique will give you that time to think to get off that autopilot mode and to make conscious decisions.
3. Cognitive reframing.
Change the way you view the things that tempt you. For instance, in On Desire: Why We Want What We Want, William Irvine (2006) presents a piece of advice provided by a Buddhist monk on how to deal with sexual desire by thinking about the human body in less favorable terms: “don’t think about her full breasts and flaxen hair; think instead about her lungs,…phlegm, pus, spittle.” cognitive reframing can also be used to improve various areas of your life if you want to read further on this, check this article I found it quite interesting.
Avoid certain places or activities to limit one’s exposure to temptations. Coming in contact with such things can increase the strength of desire for goods willingness
5. Don’t be ashamed
People have this shame that they lack something or they rate themselves less than others just because of this urge to do something. This skepticism on ones worth occurs when the skeptic eyes of society turn to judge. You tend to devalue yourself. Trust me I cannot emphasize this enough that it is pretty normal to have something that the world calls bad. Just think that maybe the habit that you have someone really close to you has. Now would you talk to him/her the same way as you do to yourself? Freaking NO! Be a little kind on yourself guys. You did what you did because that was the best you could think at that time and as Maya Angelou says.
“When you know better you do better”
6. Give it some time
This is no fairyland and we ain’t got any magic potions to disappear your problems. It will take time and patience to stop these urges and reach where you saw yourself. So give yourself time because you cannot just kill a habit that took ages to build in a few moments.
Do comment down below guys if you have got some better methods to tackle these nasty urges and to stop them. Until next time take care and stay safe.